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Every DJ Duo Consists Of 1 With Talent & 1 Absolute Wreck-Head – Study Reveals

Following a recent study conducted by the Association of DJ Duos (ADDJ), it has been confirmed that every DJ duo on the planet consists of one articulate, intelligent, technically gifted musician, and one ket-monster, there for the free drugs, booze and groupies. The main focus of the study surrounded Swiss duo Adriatique, who met on hit TV show Beauty and

1 min read

October 7, 2019

99% Of Promoters Just Failed DJs

According to the latest statistics from Bulgarian DJ Now, Bulgaria’s

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DJ Donates Entire Allocation Of Drink Tokens To Alcoholics Annonymous

A charitable DJ has reportedly promised to donate his entire

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DJ’s Rent Set To Increase By Over 150 Good Exposures Next Month

A local DJ will be forced to play more gigs

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Scientists Successfully Clone Carl Cox

After years of trying to genetically engineer the perfect DJ,

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Aspiring DJ Shocked Mates Don’t Want To Listen To Her Practice For 6 Hours

An aspiring DJ has been left in an extremely shocked state after

DJ Loses Earplugs First Time He Uses Them – For 12th Consecutive Time

A DJ has reportedly lost a brand new set of professional earplugs

MUSIC

Techno Club To Ban Smiling On Dance Floor

One of the world’s leading techno clubs has announced plans to ban all smiling on the dance floor by the end of the year.

1 min read

March 5, 2019

Psytrance Fan Thinks Food On I’m A Celebrity Looks Delicious

A Psytrance fan has made it his life’s ambition to become famous enough to get onto I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here

1 min read

April 10, 2019

Moby Denies Skin Head Accusations

Former electronic music producer Moby has denied a recent report which claimed the animal rights activist was a skinhead. Despite being follically challenged and

1 min read

February 21, 2019

Archeologists Uncover Gabber Then Bury It Again

In recent news, a group of Oxford archeology students have discovered the oldest recorded version of gabber. The class were astounded to hear the

1 min read

August 28, 2019

HUMANS

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Chemical Brother’s “Hey Boy Hey Girl” Re-Released As “Hey They”

The Chemical Brother’s have revealed that they will be re-releasing their 1999 hit single Hey Boy Hey Girl as a gender neutral track, renamed

1 min read

April 1, 2025

“Best Nap I’ve Had In Years’ Says Conference Panel Attendee

Conference panel attendees live an average of 4.5 years longer than the rest of us, mostly due to all the additional sleep, claims the

1 min read

November 7, 2023

Tik-Tok Raver Disappears On A Massive 30-Second Bender

“We thought we would never see him again!” The family of popular TiK-Tok raver @technoprick is breathing a sigh of relief this afternoon. @technoprick

1 min read

November 6, 2023

Kink Adds Airfryer To Live Setup

Much-loved Bulgarian House & Techno act, Kink, has this weekend added a Bosch Air Fryer to his live setup. “I fucking love it!” said

2 mins read

July 2, 2023

culture

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Culture·Scene

Price Of Balloons Will Rise With Inflation, Warn Experts

The price of balloons is set to rise in line with inflation, say economists, balloon experts, and drug dealers. “Any balloon will rise with

May 1, 2023

by Mikey

Events

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Ibiza Club Surpasses Black Hole As the Most Densely Packed Place In The Universe

Clubs

November 8, 2023

An Ibizan nightclub has been hailed by physicists as the most densely packed place in the universe, overtaking black holes, Tiesto’s head, and the blessed Madonna’s knickers to claim the

Kethead Locked In Portaloo Since 2019 ‘Glad To Be Free’

Festivals·People Of The World

May 19, 2023

A lad who purchased what he is calling ‘a fairly decent sized bag of Ket’ has this morning stumbled out of the portaloo he has called home since 2019, asking

Plastic-Free Festival In Essex Sees Five Thousand Turned Away

Festivals

April 30, 2023

An eco-friendly festival in Essex has this morning announced bankruptcy having turned away all 5000 ticket holders last weekend, as plastic was prohibited from the festival grounds. The extremely large

AROUND THE WORLD

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As News Breaks Of His Womanising Ways, Matt Hancock Announces New DJ Alias

World

June 25, 2021

We may know him as cheeky chopped Matt Hancock, Secretary of Health and Social Care and most notably for the massive balls up he

Job Site Now Has ‘More DJs Than Beatport’

Online

February 18, 2021

Indeed.com is now the most-visited website for dance music professionals around the world, according to a herd of boring pollsters hidden in a basement

88% Of DJs Were Super-Spreaders Before Covid, Report Claims

Health & Fitness

February 17, 2021

Eighty-eight percent of touring DJs were classed as super-spreaders long before the term became known publicly, a leading Virologist has written in The New

Biden Appoints Sven Marquardt Head Of Security At Capitol Hill

World

January 10, 2021

President-Elect Joe Biden has announced Sven Marquardt will serve as Head Of Security at Capitol Hill following last week’s riots at the building. Sven,